Mother’s day when you’re not a mother

This candle is a gift I received, one I was told to open on Mother’s Day. I’m embarrassed to admit I’d spent the morning feeling a bit sad. There were even, for some inexplicable reason, a few tears. I say inexplicable because when it comes to not having children, there is mostly upside. Or maybe we just get used to collecting silver linings when life doesn’t turn out the way we always assumed it would. Maybe it makes us (me) feel better.

This whole topic is a big DING DING DING for the manuscript I’m about 2/3 finished writing, one that explores what it’s like being the one who doesn’t have kids. It’s emotional, honest, and very, very fun. Because like I said, there’s a lot of upside. And women without children, especially those who have purposefully made that choice, are consistently some of the happiest in the world.

So why was I teary this Mother’s Day? Who the hell knows. Every few years it happens, not because I have any real complaints about my life, but because there’s an element of “less than” that creeps in, particularly from a religious standpoint. As if I’m somehow less of a woman because I’m not doing what I was always taught is the best thing I could be doing with my life. Sometimes it’s just hard to reconcile that, to convince yourself that you still add value to the world, you are contributing something lasting, and that there are children whose lives are being influenced for the better because you exist.

I hope all women helping to influence and shape the coming generations (so, all women) feel valued, loved, and honored, on this Mother’s Day and always. Keep that shit up.