On Politics

I was in the fifth grade when Bill Clinton beat out George Bush for the presidency. I remember because I found out at school. On the playground. Not that any ten-year-old has anything resembling political allegiances, but my parents were Republicans, and all the election-related comments I'd overheard from them had strongly favored Bush. My friend Sabrina's parents were Democrats, and while neither of us knew anything about the politics behind either candidate or party, we did discuss it occasionally, mostly by repeating things we'd heard our parents say. It was never a point of contention between us, but I do remember my competitive self taking the election very seriously. I wanted a win. For my side. What my side really was, I had no idea, but I felt invested. For my pride, for my parents, for the chance to win out over my friend, I was pulling for Bush.

On the morning after the election, I hadn't yet heard the outcome when I arrived at school. On the playground before the first bell rang, I found Sabrina and walked over to her.

"Did you hear?" she asked.

I couldn't bear coming off as ignorant of such an important fact, so I lied.

"Yeah," I said.

It only took a few seconds for her to make an apologetic comment, so I knew right away how the country had voted. I still had no idea what it all meant, but I can tell you that it was perhaps the most powerfully I had ever felt defeat.

Now that I'm an adult who has formed opinions of her own, I find that politically I am still a conservative Republican. So this week has been a rough one for me. Not because I feel defeated. (I wouldn't be so juvenile as to be concerned with how my association with the "losing" party may affect my image). What I feel is much bigger than defeat. It's genuine concern for the direction in which this country is headed, as well as a fair amount of bafflement over the amount of people who see no problem with it.

I only mention this here because I almost decided to include this story in Schooled (the Bush defeat playground story), but much like terrorism politics is a topic that comes with too much baggage. It makes people uncomfortable. Or irate. Or depressed. Plus there's nothing that annoys me more than people who spout their own opinions as if anyone who feels differently is crazy. Because not everyone feels the same way you do. So shut up already. But my confession to you today is that if I could do it over again, I'd put the story in. Because it really isn't about politics at all. It's about something much more trivial---the workings of my ten-year-old mind. And if you want a second confession, sometimes I wish that my pride were still all that was at stake in a presidential election. That would make the events of the week far less disturbing. On the bright side, when I end up unemployed I'll have lots more time for writing.